It's Occasionally Crossed My Mind ©2012 by Joe Sixtop all rights reserved

     My work friend Darlene caught her long-time boyfriend cheating. She immediately moved out. Darlene and her dog Shazza moved in with an old friend of Darlene's. About that time Darlene's economic situation went to hell, partly because of her relationship ending. After a very short time with the roommate, Darlene was told that Shazza the dog couldn't stay. That's the Waiter's Digest® version of the previous episode of These American Servers™, in case you didn't see it. Don't feel bad, nobody else did either.
     ANYWAY, Darlene needed to do something about Shazza. She didn't ask me or drop any hints. I totally voulunteered to let Shazza stay with me for one week, which I hoped would be enough time for Darlene to make arrangements about her pet. A co-worker of ours, LaTrishya (who probably deserves her very own episode of These American Servers), expressed interest in becoming Shazza's owner. LaTrishya came over and met the doggie. They hit it off and LaTrishya decided to adopt Shazza. Tree-tree had something going on in her life right then and could I keep Shazza for a few extra days? No problem. I kind of enjoyed having a pet around again, even though it irritated me just a little that Shazza seemed to like my neighbor Jakey G more than she liked me, but oh well.
     Darlene stayed with the roommate for several weeks. Apparently, the friendship kind of deteriorated. Darlene wasn't kicked out or anything but she decided to leave. She moved in with her mom, who's crib is pretty close to mine. The roommate's place had been pretty far from the restaurant where Darlene and I work but Mom's house is nearby to it. I think that, even though Darlene didn't feel good being 40 and living at home, she loved not having to use a lot of gasoline on her commute.
     I put in a good word for Darlene at the football stadium where I'm a beer vendor ("Yo, Beer Man!," January, 2011) and she got hired there. A big new restaurant opened across town. Darlene applied for a bartending gig there but didn't get it. The battery in her 1994 Jeep® died so she'd ride in with me sometimes. Around that time, I lucked into a battery and gave it to her. She needed money and tried to pawn her title but she doesn't have a valid driving license so that didn't happen.
     On the last gameday of the season, I called Darlene and asked if she wanted a ride. She told me she had one. I showed up at the stadium but Darlene didn't. Her ride had a little bit of reefer and offered to spring for a twelve-pack of Keystone® Light™ if Darlene would bag the game. Darlene got a job at a small local gourmet pizza restaurant. New hires there get one free meal during training. Darlene ordered her pizza with a lot of toppings and it wound up having a retail value of more than $30. She was terminated. Her Jeep runs pretty well but because of bad emissions it won't  pass inspection. Without a valid driver's license, Darlene can't risk driving with expired tags. She rides in with me a lot.
     I might have given you the impression that Darlene's a loserish fuck-up and that's really not all that accurate, although she is kind of a fun, party-girl kind of person. She and I are pretty close in age and it's occasionally crossed my mind that there might be some hook-up potential. So far, nothing's happened and I doubt anything will. Whether figuratively or literally, boinking your co-workers–and I know what I'm talking about here–is usually a bad idea. Darlene's got a lot that's good about her, but also a lot of drama, and I hate drama. For the most part, she's pretty good-looking but, tragically, she suffers from Pancake-Ass Syndrome. She's mentioned some guy she's gone out with a couple of times here lately and I wish them well. I've never met dude and don't know anything about him but he must be really cool; after all, his name's Tony.

     I think some co-workers are starting to talk about me and Darlene, even though it's none of their business. How did Reggie the dishwasher so eloquently put it? Oh yeah, "Joe, you hittin' that?" was Reggie's question. I told him to ask her.This morning, right before deadline time here at These American Servers, Darlene borrowed $30 from me.