I Think I'm in Trouble c2013 by Joe Sixtop all rights reserved

  

     Just to let you know, I live in the Yom Kippur apartments and you are often on the ballot when I early vote at the Colorado Flooding branch library. If you've been the Democratic nominee in a general election since about 2004 when I moved here, then I voted for you and even though I'm a blue collar-type 43-year old white man from this second- (or third)-rank state I'm a very reliable Democratic voter. I'm WAY more lefty than you are or at least can say in public.

    I have an issue that I believe is medical in nature, probably. It may be psychiatric. It's not too major or dangerous to anyone but I'm a little concerned.

Since we don't live in a real country like Canada where there's health care, I was wondering if I can avail myself of some kind of public deal where I can maybe talk to someone about it. I don't mind paying something (although I'd rather not), I just don't want to go nuts with the checkbook and then be told that's merely the registration fee and if I need anything else it'll be another C-note or something like that (I'm very well aware of how cut-throat and mercenary the private sector is). I'd be happy to drop $25 or $50 for 15 minutes of convo with someone who could maybe say, "Mr. Sixtop, what you need is an endocrinologist (or whatever). Unfortunately the governor just gutted our funding for that so we can't help you but here's a list of very good private ones that won't sexually assault your wallet too much AND here's a list of instructions on how to find one on the internet."

If you can tell me anything about something like this OR give me advice on how to maybe find something out it would be greatly appreciated.

And I'm sure you'd treat this communication the same even if I didn't claim to favor your political party but it's all true so I thought I'd mention it.

 

     The preceding was an email I sent to my state rep and state senator, the ones I haven't heard back from. I'm not looking for charity. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm not looking for kindness. I just wouldn't mind a little help in the form of advice from someone whom I've been led to believe is getting taxpayer dollars to "represent" me. Anyway. I've got to talk to someone and I'm counting on the one person who usually gets me out of trouble to come through for me again: me. And that statement is only mildly accurate at best; I've been much more blessed with friends and family than I deserve to be. BUT in this case I think the statement is true.

 

     I got fired a week ago but I still work there. I feel kind of as though I was manipulated (by people with nothing but kindness (and probably pity) and good intentions in their hearts) although manipulated isn't nearly the same as having a gun pulled on me. Anyway, I regret I even showed up for that meeting. I should have just been grateful for the time and started healing. Plus I could have bailed on them with probably a shred of imagined self-dignity.

     And what would be the difference, when I plan to march my ass in there Monday morning and give two week's notice? I doubt I'll chicken out but I might bother GM Brenda B (whom I feel I'm letting down) tomorrow on a day that she's off and I am too with a text or phone call about me leaving 'cause I don't want to wait til Monday.

     I guess I'm a little burned out by the restaurant business and that restaurant in particular and that's what I'm going to tell Brenda, but the real reason I have to get the fuck out there is this super-attractive, intelligent, awesome co-worker named Sweetie (and my fondness for her still wouldn't let me tell you this unless it was true and it is:), she's a truly GREAT waitress.

    I really like Sweetie; I can't help it. I ask her to go out with me ALL THE TIME and she NEVER does, although she doesn't seem to MIND me asking, and I guess at least she kind of likes the attention. She's been sad lately because her Smartphone broke and she's having trouble buying a new one even though she's somehow managed to finagle her way into working, like, 60 hours a week there. Of course, she needs a lot of money because she's a single mom. Or is she? I'm totally convinced about the mom part but less so about the single, even though when I asked her about her singleness and freedom to be dating and stuff, she assured me  she was single and free. Anyway, she's never asked me for shit but tonight I practically begged her to let me take her to some phone store early next week and buy her one. I'm interested to see if she bites.

My smart brain knows that I don't have any realistic chance with her but my big heart (and other anatomy, I guess) wants her so bad I can't give up. If I quit working there I won't have to see her any more and my ardor will surely cool off after awhile and I can start to focus on my REAL problem, which is trying to find out WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME (even though I actually feel pretty good, mostly)

     It's late. I worked hard and very late tonight. Since I no longer sleep, I just figured that I'd throw out another episode of These American Servers™ at ya. This is my most stream-of-consciousness installment ever. I'm just typing right now. I hope everyone's OK with that and I'm gonna at least TRY to proofread this thing.

      If Brenda has any sympathy in her heart AT ALL (and I believe her to be a very kind person) she WON'T try to talk me into staying. If I have ANY idea of what needs to happen, I won't be talked out of leaving.

     OK. If I cave again, I WON'T share that with y'all unless it's just a really awesome story or something. This paragraph is about 12 hours or so more recent than the rest of today's installment. I went to one of those "walk-in clinic" ordeals at Walgreens today and fucking HATED the experience. I plan to have a brief convo with Brenda B tomorrow if she's not too busy but don't think I'll actually give notice at least until I speak to a medical professional about my situation where I feel just a little too good most of the time and I think I can get an appointment with a real MD tomorrow after my day shift.  So that's what's up with me at the moment. What's up in your life?

     OK, ONE MORE little addition to the currently current episode and then I'll chill. I was at the laundry. While washing clothes I penned an installment of my little project here. It was about awesome co-worker Sweetie. I'm tired of stressing about her for now so that story may never be told on here. Anyway, I'm taking (funzies) bets on if she takes me up on the phone offer. It has to be me and her and no one else go buy it and I told her the offer expires when Wednesday, September 18, 2013 does. Since no actual betting money's on the line here, I'm going to say she DOES NOT accept my offer but if it was real money I'd try not to bet a lot. Even though this phone'll run me about $150 or so, I kind of hope she lets me carry her to go get it. Yeah, I want to spend time with her that bad and please don't judge me until you've worked a closing shift in my black slip-resistant moccasins from SR Max, OK?
     And I'll tell what happens with the phone IF I get at least three comments after this here post right here.