Please Tip Your Über Eats® Driver ©2019 by Joe Sixtop all rights reserved

     Please tip your Über Eats® driver. As well as your driver for Postmates®, Lyft Chow™; Deliveroo®, Take Out Taxi™, Grub Hub®, Amazon Restaurants®, Waymo Calories™, Door Dash® and Bring Glutton ™,  But don't order cookies! Just check out These American Servers™, we've got plenty of 'em  here! Thanks.

     What was I on about last time? Oh, yeah. I shared how my friend Jakey G works for an app that's about delivery of restaurant grub. And how I've occasionally ridden along while he worked. The first time I rode with Jakey G was almost my last. When we got near the restaurant, Jakey G asked me to get out of the car and stay out of sight. Same deal when we got to the client's place. None of this had been discussed prior to us starting out. I thought it was dumb, didn't like it and said so and declined to do any more ride alongs.

     About a year later, Jakey G asked me to go on a run again. He explained that a lot of single moms do Take Out Taxi and the like and bring their kids along, not having good childcare options. Therefore, Jakey G thinks it's Ok. He doesn't know the actual company policy and I can't seem to find out. Hey, if any of y'all know, hmu, Ok? Anyway, I went.

     Our first ping sent us to a nearby Burger King®. We got there quick and the drive-thru line was crazy. I suggested that he try to go inside. He didn't want to. Have you ever heard of someone with a "can-do" attitude? Jakey G has a can't-do attitude. He argued that it would be a waste of time. He used to work for Burger King and knows they close the lobby at 10:30 and blah blah blah. I pointed out how crowded and slow-moving the drive-thru was and that it couldn't hurt to try, even though it was a little after 10:30. He reluctantly tried the door and it was unlocked. 

     We went on five more runs over the next three hours. Twice to that same Burger King and once to a different Burger King. By then doors were locked and the drive-thru wait each time was at least 20 minutes. We also went to a pizza joint and a bar that's famous for great burgers. All the deliveries were within two miles of where the chow had been ordered, so Jakey G wasn't getting a lot of cash that night. Drivers don't get paid for getting to the pick-up point or for waiting around for the product.

     After about three hours, we decided to call it. Jakey G had kept glancing at his mobile device. "Damn. They didn't tip me," he kvetched after each delivery. From what I can gather, Take Out Taxi's clients have quite awhile to tip on the app but most either do it soon or not at all. A few tip in cash but it didn't happen that night.

     We weren't far from my crib and got back quick. Jakey G came in for a minute. He looked forlornly at his phone. He'd only made $25. I know he'd burned at least a ten-spot in gas, so not a very lucrative night for my friend. He was about to turn off the app when it chimed. Jakey G smiled. "Remember that last delivery?" he enthused. "That lady tipped me five bucks!"